How to be confident when you don’t feel like a confident person
Have you ever heard someone speak when they lacked confidence in themselves? I don’t just mean the nerves were showing; I mean, you weren’t sure if they believed what they were saying. They couldn’t be confident, and that impacted their message to the crowd. Showing that you are a confident person can be the difference between making a sale and missing the mark. It can be the difference between being heard and being ignored.
You could have the skill of crafting well-thought-out speeches or sales pitches, but if you lack the confidence to communicate the ideas well, your skill is all for naught. Skills, talent, experience, and other frequently taught factors in life and business can be hard to make work if a confident person is not aligned with them. When a confident person faces adversity or challenges, they are more likely to push through than someone who fails to believe they can.
If you feel like confidence is lacking, this post will help you determine what it means to be a confident person, why it matters, and how to establish it daily. It also touches on an important spiritual aspect of self-esteem, confidence killers, and how to overcome hurdles to your confidence. You can be confident; just consistently apply what you’re about to learn.
What Does It Mean to Be a Confident Person?
Sometimes, a confident person can get a bad rap. They can often come off as arrogant, but it is important to understand the difference between the two.
According to Oxford Languages, to be arrogant is “having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one’s own importance or abilities.” Arrogance is confidence that cannot be backed up with action. Up front, it can be difficult to discern arrogance from confidence, but it becomes clear fairly quickly.
On the other hand, confidence is defined as “the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust.” It must be proven; most people don’t typically place blind trust in others. Firm trust requires a solid foundation and an existing reputation. So, developing confidence starts with learning to trust yourself based on your past experiences, accomplishments, and actions.
Why Confidence Matters in Business and Life
There is something about having confidence in yourself that makes the other parts of you better. It’s as though people recognize that your little quirks aren’t something to be ashamed of – because you’re happy that you’re you. Maybe that sounds a little woo-woo, but I think it’s true! Being confident in yourself is not only about showing others that you believe in what you’re selling (business), but it also shows them that you believe in you (life).
If you want to develop strong, deep friendships, confidence helps.
If you are aiming to have a strong marriage or relationship, confidence helps.
If you want to make good money, confidence helps.
If you want to build thriving businesses, confidence helps.
It’s hard to imagine how confidence wouldn’t play a part in everyday successes!
7 Ways to Be Confident Every Day
If you’re trying to be a more confident person, try these tips.
1. Start with self-awareness.
Know your strengths and weaknesses. You can determine these things by talking with someone, journaling, or meditating on where you fall short and excel. (Also, go learn about creating a helpful morning routine, which includes journaling and meditating.)
2. Practice positive self-talk.
Replace doubt with empowering thoughts. I spend five minutes every single morning reading affirmations. I don’t lie to myself; I don’t think those kinds of affirmations are helpful. I do remind myself of my value in Jesus and my capabilities.
3. Dress with confidence.
Show up as the version of yourself you respect. I think this part is different for everyone. Everyone has a different image of a confident person. There is someone out there who feels extremely confident in nice workout clothes. Someone else feels confident in a suit. Maybe it’s nice jeans and a graphic tee. If you’re given the option to decide what to wear, choose something that makes you feel respected.
4. Set small wins daily.
Confidence builds through achievement. I love big goals. It’s fun to strive for something life-changing and exciting. However, they take a long time. It’s easy to lose momentum before you reach the goal. What small wins could you go for every single day that could make you feel good about your progress?
5. Surround yourself with supportive people.
A confident person doesn’t go it alone. If no one in your life is supportive of your plans, make it your mission to find people who are. You might find more supportive people in groups where others are aiming for similar successes. Or, maybe there is someone who has already accomplished what you want and remembers how far they’ve come. That support goes a long way.
6. Face fear with action.
You don’t have to feel fearless to be confident. You can’t have courage if you have no fear to overcome. So, be courageous. When you tackle a fear, your confidence in yourself will begin to climb. Even if you fail, you’ll know you tried. If you tried and survived, you can try again.
7. Invest in personal growth.
Mentorship, coaching, learning = confidence fuel. The more you know, the more you apply, the more you can do well. Invest in yourself and watch the growth begin.
+ BONUS: Instill God confidence.
Have a little faith. There’s a plan in play. Trust Him.
What is God confidence?
Do you need a little extra information about God confidence? Think of it this way: often, we feel confident because of what we have accomplished. I graduated from college. I sold that big ticket item. I ran that race. If you’re a believer, you likely also believe that you didn’t do those things by yourself. Your success was part of God’s will. And if you failed, there’s likely a lesson in there that He wants you to learn. Or, maybe there is another path for you.
God confidence is trusting in Him to have your best interest in His plans.
Common Confidence Killers (and How to Overcome Them)
Confidence killers are things that can easily destroy any confidence you have – if you let them.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
When you look at someone else and wonder why you don’t have the same job, same home, same bank account, etc., you easily destroy your own confidence. Here’s how you get past it: know that you’re on your own path. I once heard a saying that went like this: If you want my blessings, you must carry my burdens.
Negative self-talk.
How do you talk to yourself? Do you berate every little mistake? Are you cruel or put yourself down? The way you communicate with yourself is crucial to your confidence. If you don’t think you use negative self-talk much, consider writing down every negative thought you have over the course of the day. You might surprise yourself. When you see how much you partake in negative thoughts, set yourself up for success by posting positive self-talk reminders around your home or office.
Neglecting self-needs.
Are you taking care of your basic needs? Have you had enough water, good food, sunlight, and exercise today? These things can be vital to how you see yourself. So, make taking care of yourself easy. Get a nice water bottle, keep fruits and veggies ready to eat, put a comfy chair on your patio, and set out your workout clothes in the morning so you are inspired to get moving.
Perfectionism.
Perfectionism has always been my struggle. I literally gave myself stomach ulcers in junior high when I couldn’t ace all of my algebra tests. How did I get over my perfectionism? I had to make a change in my mindset. I went from: it’s not perfect, so I have to keep working on it right now, to it’s not perfect, but it’s better than it was yesterday. Work toward improvement, not perfection.
Overthinking.
Is your mind a busy place where you imagine all sorts of things that might or might not happen? For me, overthinking stems from perfectionism. I messed up, now scenario a could happen, or scenario b could happen, or c, d, e, or f. I can easily get stressed out over what might happen. Since working toward changing my mindset, this has become less of a problem. Having said that, meditation also helps. Meditation helps to slow down the influx of thoughts and noise to make you more relaxed and clear about the here and now.
How to Stay Confident in Difficult Seasons
Being confident doesn’t mean that hardship won’t come. A confident person can mess up just as easily as a non-confident one. If you want to be confident in business, you have to accept the fact that failure will come. Knowing that it is inevitable in everyone’s life is part of staying confident when it does come. It might make the blow a bit easier, but there’s more that you can do.
First, acknowledge the hardship and claim responsibility. If it helps you accept the truth, say it out loud. “I messed up, and I take responsibility.”
Second, analyze what went wrong. However, do not spend too much time on it, as focusing too much on the misstep can kill your confidence even more.
Third, develop a plan on how to correct the problem. Then, set goals that align with the plan.
Finally, remember all that you learned from a difficult situation, be grateful for learning more, and move forward.
You Can Be a Confident Person Starting Today
You don’t have to wait for your confidence to build. You can start now. Decide to be a confident person and take the steps to make it a reality. Only you can change yourself. Choose to do so today: be confident.
Do you need help building your confidence? Or, maybe you need a little extra push to move past a failure? Schedule a free consultation with Dr. Kristy Speciale, DBA.